inked heartbeats

Please! Please, catch me as the wind still blows, as the sun still shines upon my soul… Don’t let me die with shadows in my head! Just kill them all and don’t drop dead. Please! Please, stay with me tonight! Feel as i feel… Let’s stop the fight! Bertha Lum - Wind Sprite (1920)

Nu-mi vine să cred că au trecut deja 5 ani de când ai plecat... Încă te văd în orice bătrân cu părul de argint care trece strada puțin șchiopătat. Asta mă duce înapoi în timp și îmi amintesc cum veneai mereu iarna și-mi faceai cărare prin zăpadă; îmi amintesc când intram în căsuța voastră și mă lovea căldura în față. Știi ce-mi mai amintesc? Cum râdeai mereu de desenele mele și eu mă supăram, cum  mereu îmi spuneai că trebuie să învăț matematică, deși eram cea mai varză la asta. „Trebuie să știi să numeri banii, bunicu”, îmi spuneai. Mereu mă enervam, copil fiind. Acum îmi dau seama, de fapt, cât de mult țineai la mine. Regret că boala te-a luat de lângă noi și că n-ai apucat cei 77 de ani pe care i-ai fi împlinit azi; regret că nu am mai putut să-ți spun nimic din toate astea și față în față. *20 martie 2018*

                                                                 Art. We all heard this one before. But, what is it exactly? Is it dancing? Is it a painting of  some sort?          Someone once told me that art is everywhere, and I didn’t believe him. I chose to believe what everyone else told me: that art is useless, that you can’t do anything with it, and you can’t build a future around it.          But I see it now. I see that I was wrong. It’s  surrounding us. It starts from hearing music for the first time; from the hand of a curious child holding a pencil. It’s your favorite color, your favorite song. Yes, art means painting, dance, theatre.          Art also means love, sadness, the feeling you have when you can sense tears about to rush from your eyes, the blush of the sky when the sun goes away…          And in some way, I always felt drawn to nature, to dying and being born again. I always felt deeply: love, regret, loss, sadness. I always observed things that kids my

          At that very moment I felt invincible; like time couldn’t catch me. I was standing still on the doorway, the Sun touching my skin. I could feel the shy heat on my arms, giving me shivers.           I couldn’t bear to raise my head and look at Him. He saved me. So I just kept my head down. It’s been so long, but I felt a licker of hope, of happiness.  My gaze stopped on a small cat, making its way around me, just trying to exist. I stare at it,  lost in thoughts…  I see her soft furr, I hear the sound she constantly makes, like she’s enjoying herself, or she really wants something from me; the way she walks without making any noise, like she’s floating…  I wonder, what is she thinking right now?  How does she see me? Do I mean anything to her? How small and insignificant our lives can be!... Our problems can be nothing or they can be everything if we let them.          I thought that I survived; I did. I’ve been through thick and thin, through ice and cold; the wind

This is for you. This is for what we had… Possession? Friendship? Love? This is for whatever we had. You used to say I saved you from yourself. I used to think you saved me from myself. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to set you free, to give up on you. We grew so close that it felt like we were the only two people on the planet. I still think about you sometimes, thought. I think about the times you would take me from the bus station and walk me to your house; about the times you would wait for me after school; your smile. But then I realize that we grew so close that we actually pushed our friends away. I realize that you would always be mad at me that I made you get out of the house just to take me from the bus station; you wouldn’t come after school to see me just for one hour because “there was no point” and you were too tired; I didn’t get to see your true smile lately… to be honest I don’t know how many times I’ve heard you laugh. I think I could count them on my fing