inked heartbeats

12.05.2018 After you left me I thought I couldn’t love again. I couldn’t stand to be alone. I had to be surrounded by people, and even then I just couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t stop thinking about your pretty face, your ugly but cute way of being; about that day when you took my hand and after that things were never the same. That morning, my heart broke. I cried. You know, I never cried after a break up; not the way I did that day. I just couldn’t stand you… and I cound’t stand myself. After a while, I just had to move on, and I thought I had. But I was looking at his face and I saw yours; I was holding him in my arms and I’d feel you. I was feeling guilty and I was trying to convince myself that I don’t need you; that I’m not in love with you still. Oh, damn! I was so wrong… Cuz’ you came into my life again, and again when I least expected it. And you just broke down my damn walls that I worked so hard to build. I was so much more happy when I saw your na

I could see in his eyes that his soul was ripped into a million pieces, wandering through the Milky Way. In fact, I could've sworn that the colors from this universe were born in his eyes.  The minute I stared into them, my soul took off too; I think he went searching for his.  As calming as his touch was, his look gave me shivers; I could see the empty spot that his tormented soul left behind: two different shades of blue and one lonely yellow were struggling to co-exist, but still giving in to each other. In his embrace I felt all the love he was capable to give, but he won't ever admit that.  I haven't experienced something like this in a long time, at one point I even lost all hope. At first, I thought I saw his darkness collide into mine, giving birth to our own Northen Star, but I guess I was wrong.  In a way, now I feel heavier than before even though my soul didn't come back and I know he didn't found what he was looking for... because there's this

Please! Please, catch me as the wind still blows, as the sun still shines upon my soul… Don’t let me die with shadows in my head! Just kill them all and don’t drop dead. Please! Please, stay with me tonight! Feel as i feel… Let’s stop the fight! Bertha Lum - Wind Sprite (1920)

Nu-mi vine să cred că au trecut deja 5 ani de când ai plecat... Încă te văd în orice bătrân cu părul de argint care trece strada puțin șchiopătat. Asta mă duce înapoi în timp și îmi amintesc cum veneai mereu iarna și-mi faceai cărare prin zăpadă; îmi amintesc când intram în căsuța voastră și mă lovea căldura în față. Știi ce-mi mai amintesc? Cum râdeai mereu de desenele mele și eu mă supăram, cum  mereu îmi spuneai că trebuie să învăț matematică, deși eram cea mai varză la asta. „Trebuie să știi să numeri banii, bunicu”, îmi spuneai. Mereu mă enervam, copil fiind. Acum îmi dau seama, de fapt, cât de mult țineai la mine. Regret că boala te-a luat de lângă noi și că n-ai apucat cei 77 de ani pe care i-ai fi împlinit azi; regret că nu am mai putut să-ți spun nimic din toate astea și față în față. *20 martie 2018*

                                                                 Art. We all heard this one before. But, what is it exactly? Is it dancing? Is it a painting of  some sort?          Someone once told me that art is everywhere, and I didn’t believe him. I chose to believe what everyone else told me: that art is useless, that you can’t do anything with it, and you can’t build a future around it.          But I see it now. I see that I was wrong. It’s  surrounding us. It starts from hearing music for the first time; from the hand of a curious child holding a pencil. It’s your favorite color, your favorite song. Yes, art means painting, dance, theatre.          Art also means love, sadness, the feeling you have when you can sense tears about to rush from your eyes, the blush of the sky when the sun goes away…          And in some way, I always felt drawn to nature, to dying and being born again. I always felt deeply: love, regret, loss, sadness. I always observed things that kids my

          At that very moment I felt invincible; like time couldn’t catch me. I was standing still on the doorway, the Sun touching my skin. I could feel the shy heat on my arms, giving me shivers.           I couldn’t bear to raise my head and look at Him. He saved me. So I just kept my head down. It’s been so long, but I felt a licker of hope, of happiness.  My gaze stopped on a small cat, making its way around me, just trying to exist. I stare at it,  lost in thoughts…  I see her soft furr, I hear the sound she constantly makes, like she’s enjoying herself, or she really wants something from me; the way she walks without making any noise, like she’s floating…  I wonder, what is she thinking right now?  How does she see me? Do I mean anything to her? How small and insignificant our lives can be!... Our problems can be nothing or they can be everything if we let them.          I thought that I survived; I did. I’ve been through thick and thin, through ice and cold; the wind